Fourteen-year-old Lorenâ€™s first mistake was torching the golf course. His next was trusting his momâ€™s slimy golf pro boyfriend when he said they were going â€œcamping.â€ Instead, Lorenâ€™s mom and her vindictive beau end up dropping him off at Camp Ascend!, a run-down boot camp for wayward teens. The golf course fire was the last straw in a long line of military â€œmaneuversâ€ the Green Beret-obsessed Loren carried out that finally land him in the dubious care of the â€œColonel,â€ a professional scammer who wouldnâ€™t know a Green Beret from a Navy Seal.Â The Colonel, his uber-high maintenance wife Kitty and her Neanderthal brother Donovan are the campâ€™s only staff, and their methods of tamping down turbulent teen behavior are less than orthodox. But theyâ€™ve never dealt with a kid like Loren, who actually has some knowledge of espionage & guerilla warfare–even if it only comes from movies. Loren proceeds to turn the camp on its ear by kidnapping Kitty, smoke-bombing Donovan, and stealing the Colonelâ€™s Swiss bank account numbers. But Donovan, whose brain really is the size of a bottle cap, finally gets wily Loren under his ape-like paw. And thatâ€™s when the fun REALLY starts. This raucous send-up of a Dr. Phil-type teen boot camp special is a clever indictment of the pop psychology media that touts â€œtough love” as the answer to all teen troubles. At times Donovan’s pea-brained violent behavior is truly terrifying, but Kittyâ€™s vapid obsession with mail-order spa products and Lorenâ€™s dumb-luck escapes help lighten the sometimes dark story. This is the perfect book for those of you who always suspected that adults aren’t nearly as smart as they pretend to be!