Reading Rants! Out of the Ordinary Teen Booklists!

There’s just something about being a teenager and loving vampires and Goth culture. Maybe it’s all that romantic, tragic, blood-sucking sensuality that surrounds these batty night dwellers. I mean, they ARE monsters, but usually good looking, brooding, broken-hearted monsters that pull at your heartstrings as much as they frighten you. And in my experience, no one can better understand the pain of a broken heart or the power of a good scare more than teens. While some of the titles listed below are good old vamp classics, I also hope this list introduces you to some new neck-biting fiends, uh, friends. So go ahead, light some candles, put on your darkest Nine Inch Nails or Cure album and sink your teeth into these very vampiric reads!

Whatever you do, don’t call them “vampires.” Why, they’re nothing like those cartoon-ish pasty-faced blood-suckers who hiss and turn into bats. Cole and his crew may be immortal and allergic to sunlight, but that’s about all they share in common with the murderous undead who haunt every strip mall multiplex screen. Instead, they call themselves “hemovores,” blood-eaters who got that way from a “smart virus” that rewired their systems to crave hemoglobin instead of hamburgers. Quiet and subtle, hemovores revere the humans they feed on, realizing that they would soon die without their life-giving blood. Now Cole, who after centuries still hasn’t fully adjusted to the hemovore life himself, must teach newly turned Gordon how to get around after dark. The best place to do that is the open road, where a new town every night guarantees that no one notices if a feed goes wrong. Except Gordon’s not exactly the most cooperative student. And, despite the decades under his belt, Cole is hardly a patient teacher. So when these two take a road trip together along with Cole’s wise-cracking friend Sandor, nothing goes as planned, and before long these hemovores are on the run—from each other. A moody and broody look at what it means to live (and drive) forever, this is the perfect choice for that next long car trip with your parents that feels ENDLESS. Pulling up to a library or bookstore near you May 2008.

Somewhere in the deep woods of seventeenth-century Eastern Europe, Peter and his father Tomas, woodcutters by trade, settle down on the outskirts of a tiny village called Chust. Peter is grateful to finally have a place to call home, as most of his short life he has traveled from town to town with his alcoholic and silent father, who never seems to want to stay in one place for too long and refuses to give an explanation why. But as fall turns into winter, Chust is gripped with terror as bodies begin to litter the snowy landscape, bodies of friends and neighbors that have been horribly mutilated. Soon the suspicious villagers are whispering that maybe the murderers are the woodcutter and his son. After all, they are new to the village, and the killings didn’t start until after they arrived. Peter is frightened, but his father is strangely unmoved, calling the villagers superstitious fools. Does Tomas know more than he’s telling about the brutal murders? What followed Peter and his father to the remote village? And can it be stopped from fulfilling its bloody destiny? Peter believes the answers lies in the large, weather-beaten box that Tomas refuses to allow him to open–a box long enough to hold a sword…Brit author Marcus Sedgwick manages to write an entire terrifying historical novel about the mythological European origins of the blood sucking undead without once using the “V” word. His fascinating story is full of interesting tidbits of forgotten folklore, like the Nunta Mortului, or The Wedding of the Dead. If a young unmarried man dies in his prime, his corpse is “married” to the oldest village girl, who must live in isolation for forty days as she “mourns” him and is considered a widow forever after. A deliciously horrible ritual that I can only guess Sedgwick uncovered in his research of the oldest vampire legends of eastern Europe. But even if folklore isn’t your thing, how can you resist one of the best opening lines ever? “When he fell for the fifth time, when his face plunged into the deep snow, when his hands burnt from the cold but he didn’t care…the woodcutter knew he was going to die.” Can you say, “BRRRRRRRR!” times a thousand? This book screams to read, in more ways than one!

Romanian Lord Radu Arisztidescu, (vampire royalty in his country, but a seller of beer in ours) owns and operates the Last Stop quickie-mart. Keeping good help is hard, so Radu just bites himself a new undead employee when he needs a fresh pair of hands to unload the milk and rotate the hot dogs. Enter Dave, Lord Radu’s latest convenience store wage-slave, and reluctant vampire. Dave just can’t seem to get the hang of the bloodsucker-gig. He hates night shifts, and the sight and smell of fresh plasma makes him gag. So he spends his evenings ogling the hot Goth girls who frequent the nightclub next door, and snacking on Radu’s underground blood beer and beef jerky made out of you-don’t-want-to-know-what. He’s in love with a human Goth princess named Rosa, but between trying hide his pesky fang condition and fending off her other suitors, namely a studly vampire surfer named Wes and a bisexual human Goth named Alistair, Dave’s in over his hemoglobin. What’s a bat boy to do? Can Dave learn to overcome his Type-O revulsion in order to up his vampire strength so he can trounce muscle-bound Wes and win Rosa’s hand? Or is he doomed to an eternity of nursing his lonely heart while ringing up cigarettes and pulling Slurpees? It’s hard to believe that anyone could create anything new from the tired old vampire genre, but Abel (of La Perdida fame), Soria and Pleece have done it with this funny, sexy, scary graphic novel that is equal parts Clerks, Buffy, and Revenge of the Nerds. Although this GN has some moments of real fright, it’s mostly just real funny–especially when Dave’s master Lord Radu comes on the scene. How can you do anything but howl with laughter when Radu, sporting a Tom Selleck ’stache and some serious chest hair says stuff like “Dave, Dave, Dave…vhat am I do viss you? I give you geeft of eternal life, I promote you to assistant manager, and ziss iss how you repay? By not punching out on break?” God, I love this GN. My first fav of the new year is coming to a library or bookstore near you April 2008!

An Open Letter to Stephanie Meyer:

Dear Ms. Meyer,
In all the years that I have been writing Reading Rants, I have never received as much email about a title as I have about your debut novel, Twilight. Your story of star-crossed lovers, one human, one vampire, has been so embraced by teen readers everywhere, that they have let me know, in no uncertain terms, how extremely remiss I am in not having posted a review of Twilight on Reading Rants. So here it is, for those of you vampire lovers who haven’t read it (and the voluminous sequels, New Moon & Eclipse) already.

Bella Swan loves the sun, but she loves her dad more, so she agrees to come live with him in his perpetually rainy abode in Washington State. There, she meets gorgeous, brooding Edward Cullen, for whom the rainy climate is perfect. You see, Edward and his family are all vampires and tend to turn translucent in sunlight (as opposed to shrivel into smoldering ash), which can be difficult to explain, hence his frequent absences from school when the weather’s fine. Luckily for Bella, who has fallen head over heels for the stunning bloodsucker, Edward and his clan only hunt animals, not people. But the teen lovers are forced to keep their ardent kisses in check, because as Edward’s Bella-lust begins to rise, so does his bloodlust, and the chances that Bella will suffer more than just your run-of-the-mill hickey. The two manage to balance their unusual relationship until a roving band of real bloodsuckers invades Edward’s family’s territory and threaten Bella. Can Edward overcome his natural desires to save Bella? Or will the new vampires cause him to cross over to the dark side? Lushly written and hauntingly atmospheric, you’ll want to follow up this read with Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare, and The Silver Kiss by Annette Curtis Klause.

What if all the movers and shakers of the world, the billionaire power-brokers, the elite country-clubbers, the crème de la crème of high society - what if all those old school blue bloods were REALLY cold-blooded vampires? Reincarnated over and over and always passing down the power, these powerful Blue Bloods maintain their secret identities by keeping their human “familiars” alive and well by feeding off of them in shifts and perpetrating silly myths about garlic and crosses to keep humans in the dark about their existence. But now their way of life is being threatened by the Silver Bloods, an insane group of bloodsuckers who feed on other vampires instead of humans. Can the Blue Bloods be saved? Or will their secret be exposed and cause a Blue Blood/Silver Blood war that can only end in death and destruction for human society? De la Cruz’s imaginative take on the privileged upper crust, though a little convoluted, is nevertheless great fodder for the imagination. So THAT’s why those rich little debutantes never gain weight - they’re UNDEAD! Fans of vampire fiction will drink this one right down, along with it’s lip-smacking sequel, Masquerade.

Imagine this: you’ve just parked your car next to a quiet lake a few miles out of town to get some peace from your hectic job as the local whiz-kid baker supreme. Like, your cinnamon rolls are out of this world, man. But they don’t care about your baking skills. They don’t care, because they don’t eat. They only drink. And you don’t want to dwell too long on what it is that they drink. They surround you so quietly you never even hear them. And just as soundlessly, they take you away to a decrepit old mansion in the middle of nowhere, chain you to a wall, and leave one of their own chained opposite you. And now, it’s growing dark. And your fellow prisoner is slowly waking up. And he’s very, very thirsty…and if you think you know how this story ends, let Robin McKinley prove you wrong in this very dense, very surprising vampire tale.

Chameleon author Hautman never writes the same book twice, and, in my opinion, never writes a bad book! And this original story is no exception. Lucy Szabo hates to be labeled. Just because she injects insulin a couple times a day, don’t call her a DIABETIC. So she wears black clothes and heavy black-eyeliner, doesn’t mean she’s a GOTH. Lucy’s sick of all the labels people give her just because they don’t understand what she REALLY is. See, Lucy’s theory is that anyone who depends on medical science to live, who would normally be dead without the help of penicillin or a pacemaker, is actually UNDEAD, or, if you like, a VAMPIRE. Lucy’s blood needs insulin, so it’s easier to think of herself as a take-no-prisoners-vampire instead of a sickly teen with diabetes. She even participates in a chat room with other pseudo-vampires, who claim to drink blood and shape-change. Lucy knows they’re all full of it–except the guy who’s screen name is Draco. His details about vamp life are so scarily realistic that Lucy, screen name Sweet-blood, thinks he might actually be the real thing. Does she dare meet him and find out for sure? Not your typical horror story, Hautman incorporates Goth culture, diabetes facts and vampire myths into a thought-provoking thriller that you won’t soon forget!

Risika is one lonely vampire. She was turned blood sucker about three hundred years ago and since then, has lived in her big old mansion in Massachusetts, sleeping by day and hunting for unsuspecting victims by night. Her only buddy is a meat-eating tiger she visits at the local zoo (they have a lot in common). Her routine is pretty regular, and after three hundred years, also pretty boring. Then one night she is challenged by her arch enemy, a vampire named Aubrey, and the fur begins to fly! Aubrey was responsible for the death of Risika’s mortal brother, and she has never forgiven him. Now she has a chance to make him pay…and if you’re starting to think that this story has shades of Anne Rice and L.J. Smith, you are not mistaken. Forests was penned by young Amelia, a huge Rice fan, when she was only 14. While not the most original fanged tale, you might want to check it out anyway and see if that stash of stories in your desk stacks up to what other teens are writing (and publishing!).

Chris is pretty used to vampires–in his world, which is startlingly like our own, a vampire is just another common criminal that you hear about on the evening news: arrested for loitering in graveyards, driving while under the influence of plasma, and performing ritualistic murder. Yep, Chris knows vampires. That’s why he’s so concerned when he starts losing his reflection in mirrors and feeling very, very thirsty–a thirst water doesn’t even begin to touch. He thinks he might be turning into a vampire and is desperate to stop the process. Lucky for him he meets Chet, an angel-like guy with the Forces of Light who claims he can help Chris if Chris will act like a double-agent between the humans and the vamps for awhile. Only Chet isn’t keeping up his end of the bargain, and Chris fears that his future lies at the bottom of a coffin. This one will have you laughing uneasily and rubbing your teeth to make sure you don’t feel fangs…

Zoe could use some cheering up. Her mom is dying of cancer, her best friend’s moving, and her father could care less about her life. A sympathetic boyfriend sure would be nice right about now–and lo and behold, one appears–a pretty cute one named Simon. The only drawbacks are that he is a lot older than Zoe (like a couple of CENTURIES older) and he has to drink blood to survive. But Zoe manages to overlook these minor details and falls for Simon anyway. But the one thing she can’t ignore is Simon’s little vampire brother, who unlike Simon, is truly vicious and brutal, kind of like a cuter, blonder version of Chuckie. Simon has been trying to stop him for decades. Can their love survive Simon’s blood sucking tendencies and his brother’s murderous rampages? A very romantic vampire tale–like Romeo and Juliet for the undead.

Okay, I know I’m probably preaching to the choir with this one–if you are any kind of vampire fan at all, you’ve probably already read Interview or at least seen the excellent movie version with Brad Pitt and a blond Tom Cruise. But no vampire list would be complete without the sad story of Louis, an 18th century plantation owner who, after losing his family, allows himself to be turned into an immortal vampire by his blood-letting sponsor, Lestat. Louis and Lestat are friends and hunters together, until Louis’s all too human conscience begins to bother him. He can’t take all the murder and death that comes with being one of the undead, and he especially can’t stand how cruel Lestat is to his victims. So Louis sets out with his own creation, a young girl that he and Lestat “turned” and tries to find the meaning of life, if there is one. A good, deep vampire read. If you really want to know how vampires tick and ponder the mysteries of the universe along the way, Interview is just the cup of negative AB, I mean TEA for you.

This is the story of what happens to 16 year old Kerry when she illegally drives to the laundromat in the middle of the night to rescue her brother’s lost stuffed animal. You may think she gets arrested for driving without a permit, or at the very least, her dad wakes up, finds the car gone, and grounds her. No such luck. Kerry makes it to the laundromat and even finds her brother’s toy. But then she’s pulled into an attempted murder, kidnapped by Ethan the vampire, forced to help bury a corpse in a swamp, and blackmailed by an extremist group who have captured her family. And that’s just the first night. By the end of her unlikely adventure with the undead, Kerry wishes she HAD been arrested on the way to the laundromat. This one will get you home by curfew and keep you there.

This granddaddy of vampire fiction was penned ‘waaaaaay back in 1975, but is still amazingly popular today. Stephen King, one of my all time favorite authors, asks a simple question with this book: what if Dracula moved to YOUR small hometown? Maybe he keeps to himself, maybe not. Maybe he likes to be alone…or maybe he plans to turn the entire town into blood sucking zombies who will keep him company. Maybe you’re safe if you lock the door…or maybe you’re not. As more and more townspeople start taking naps during the daytime hours, it’s up to one young man and his writer friend to figure out how to save the soul of a town that may have already sold it to the devil. Oooooo, this novel is so scary, I wouldn’t recommend reading it after dark.

After a sudden attack by a stranger, Jody gets a nasty sunburn every time she goes outside and feels a need to drink something warm and red instead of the usual Evian. What’s going on?? Could Jody be(gasp!) a VAMPIRE??? She needs a guy fast, and not just because she’s hungry. After all, SOMEONE has to go to the bank for her during the day! You’ll enjoy every odd-ball minute of this hip take on love, death, and undeath in California. And don’t forget to read the funny follow-up sequel, You Suck: A Love Story